Inspiration on Sojong Eve

inspiration |ˌinspəˈrā sh ən|

noun

1 the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative : Helen had one of her flashes of inspiration | the history of fashion has provided designers with invaluable inspiration.

• a sudden brilliant, creative, or timely idea : then I had an inspiration.

• the divine influence believed to have led to the writing of the Bible.

2 the drawing in of breath; inhalation.

 

  Last night, I was the umdze for the Sojong Eve ceremony that we have here at Gampo Abbey on the new moon and full moon.   Sojong is a time for recommitting oneself to the vows and precepts of the Buddhist monastic code, as well as laying aside or confessing the things that you have "done wrong". In addition, it is an excellent opportunity to make aspirations.  Basically, ever two weeks, you have the opportunity to start anew and refresh yourself with the cycling of the lunar phase.  As the Sojong Eve Umdze, one is asked to find a reading that is appropriate to the ceremony and share it with the community as a source of inspiration.  In just a few days, the winter solstice will be here, one of the darkest days of the year.  Both the internal and external environments of my world are indicating that it is a time of going within, having deep introspection on the bigger questions in life, and exploring the topic of death and dying.  For my talk, I selected a chapter from a book titled A Year to Live:  How to live this year as if it were your last, by Stephen Levine.

     Stephen Levine is an American poet, author and teacher who has spent an incredible amount of time exploring the topics of death and dying.  In this book, Levine guides the reader to step into life fully through a practice of approaching this next year of your life as if it were your last.  As a Buddhist, death is something that I contemplate on a regular basis, but recently death hasn't been feeling that "alive" to me.  My practice of contemplating the four reminders (precious human birth, impermanence and death, the laws of karma, and the nature of samsara) was needing a little boost.  However, a few days prior to Sojong a dear friend informed me that her father had died suddenly and unexpectedly.  The news of this loss have laid heavy on my heart and brought a new awareness to the reality of death.  Death brings a sudden shift in perspective for all who are involved.  Certainly, the closest family members and dearest friends of the dying experience the shift in a more profound way, but even so, those who are on the periphery, such as myself, can equally be effected.

For the Sojong Eve Ceremony, I selected chapter 9, A Commitment to Life, and in this reading, one section stood out.  Levine is discussing how we are moved and propelled in life to escape discomfort.  He says, "we will realize how much of our life is a compulsive attempt to escape discomfort. We are motivated more by an aversion to the unpleasant than by a will toward truth, freedom, or healing.  We are constantly attempting to escape our life, to avoid rather than enter our pain, and we wonder why it is so difficult to be fully alive."  For the past almost 24hrs, I am becoming aware of how almost everything thing I do is motivated by a desire to escape discomfort.  Now that I have this awareness, where do I go with it?  How do we shift our views or motivations to be based on a draw to the truth in life, to living fully, to experience?

I don't have the answer, but the question is important.  That is how the Buddha began his search, with questions.  So, here I am, beginning a blog with the intention of documenting my experience of living this upcoming year, beginning on winter solstice, as if it were my last.  I am not sure who this blog is for other than myself.  Who has time in every day life to read a blog?  As a society, we are so busy and engaged with so much that we hardly have time to stop and smell the flowers.  Perhaps, if we all thought that this was our last year, our last month, our last week, our last day, hour, minute...would we stop?  Would we stop and smell the flowers?

a few days later...
It's been several days since I began this post, and my usual "wanting to perfect it and get it right" is preventing me from finishing the post.  So, if this was my last year year to live, which it is, I would let go and just put down a post.  I would keep going, and not stop myself from moving ahead to write new things.

So, here it begins, this is my last year to live beginning with a winter solstice lhasang ceremony.  Death arrives unexpectedly, and it's possibility is with you from the moment you are born.  Every moment brings the potential of death, we are born to die.  My aspiration this winter solstice is to awake each day with the awareness of the limited time I have in this body, and through this recognition of death, I find the inspiration to live fully and from my heart.